Saturday, April 22, 2006

Wouldn't It Be Great If...

Wouldn't it be great if Bunnicula or Count Duckula captured the Veggie Tales characters and sucked their blood, leaving nothing but dead and dried remains?

posted by SumThing @ 2:48 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin...

One of my friends believes that I’m a closet metrosexual and she’s right, if only because I put lotion in my arms and hands every day. It’s not so much because I care about my skin being soft and smooth as it is about me having a dependence on it. You can’t stop putting it on lotion once you start.

Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of trouble finding Fruit of the Earth Aloe Vera Lotion recently. Thus my quest for new lotion began. I searched the lotion aisle high and low for an acceptable solution, and while I have not found a replacement, I did run across a skin care product so fantastic that I feel the need to write about it: Corn Husker’s Lotion.

It was made for corn huskers (surprise!), which I’m told is a profession in which you remove the husks from ears of corn. Knowing this fact, I proceeded to down a shot of it based on the assumption that anyone who has ever removed the husks from corn for pay needs a drink, or seven. Much to my disappointment, there is no alcohol in this lotion.

While I was doing research to find out if I was going to die because of the poorly thought out shot I had, I found numerous recommendations for this lotion. Corn Husker’s lotion is the best lotion you can buy if you have dry, cracked skin. It’s a manly lotion. It smells sorta mediciney, and the bottle just screams Pure, unadulterated MAN. This is the lotion that they would have used in Brokeback Mountain if the cowboys weren’t gay. And don’t any of you even dare to make a lube joke. This is a high-class journal, and I will not tolerate degenerate humor.

As fantastic as Corn Husker’s Lotion is, there is one problem with it. In the interest of brevity, and since a picture is worth a thousand words, I’m going to let the lotion speak for itself with 4,000 words:



posted by SumThing @ 10:18 PM 0 comments